How To Surpass God: A Manual For Dummies
by Infinite Snow
Summary: Want to know how to become stronger than Zeus but as quickly and easily as possible? No problem! Read this step-by-step checklist on what to accomplish in order, recommended by Black*Star himself in order to become divine one day! [Warning: Sane people, do not try this at home.]


_**Step #1: Make a goal**_

Black*Star was in the middle in the room of obnoxious five years old. To put it this way, kindergarten SUCKED. It had no definite form when the teacher wasn't there.

"What a bunch of losers," Black*Star mumbled as he toddled to the side.

That got his gears working. What if there could be a general benefactor that could make sure all humans on Earth would not even dare of thinking of rebelling?

"That's it…" Black*Star put a chubby finger to his chin, "We need a god."

Not just any god, Black*Star decided. HE was going to be it. And he was going to make people behave the way HE wants it done.

_**Step #2: Enforce it**_

Black*Star went over to a group of girls playing dollies with a huge doll house. He grabbed the dollhouse and dumped the dolls out of it, even letting the furniture tumble along with the plastic toys.

"Hey!" One girl roughly jerked on his shoulder, "We were playing with that!"

"I can do whatever I want," Black*Star said simply.

"Oh yeah? What makes you think you have all the right to step in like a nobody and steal OUR dollhouse?" Another girl defiantly put her hand on her hip.

"Because I am going to surpass God. And when I do, I can steal as many dollhouses as I want to from you," Black*Star glared at the two girls.

They shrunk back in fear, but nevertheless, hate was prominent in their eyes. Black*Star searched their eyes, seeing if they were going to start another stupid rally now. When they said nothing, he took it that he won and continued his journey across the room, the whole class watching because of the mini-commotion.

Black*Star smugly grinned. He set his dollhouse down. This was _his _territory now. He enforced the idea.

_**Step #3: Proudly proclaim it**_

"I AM YOUR FUTURE GOD!" Black*Star, now at the age of eight, laughed at the whole team of basketball players who were dead beat on the black top.

"Man that nerve of a guy…" one boy muttered.

"His ego hasn't diminished since kindergarten, hasn't it?" Another one muttered.

"What do you mean diminished? If anything, it grew!"

"What do you mean grew? You all are idiots! It multiplied!" The fourth boy scolded the other three. They winced in pain and then muttered a quiet sorry.

Black*Star smirked and fled on his heels. He dribbled the ball as he announced to the world, "SOME DAY YOU WILL BE PRAYING AT MY FEET IN YOUR SHRINES!"

Some food vender, irritated with the blue haired ninja's arrogant remark, threw a tomato at him. Black*Star grimaced. It would take a while for people to accept the truth that he will be the one surpassing god! He shook his head but nonetheless kept announcing it.

_**Step #4: Know your competitors**_

Black*Star and his new friend, Maka, were being introduced to Death the Kid, son of Lord Death himself. Kid blushed at Maka but then glared at Black*Star.

"YOU," Black*Star jabbed a finger at Kid.

"What about me?" an eleven year old Kid jabbed back.

"YOU ARE COMPETITION!" Black*Star yelled.

"What did I do?!" Kid then thought he realized when he looked at Maka. She sighed and hit her head.

"No Kid-kun, you got it wrong. Star-kun doesn't like me. I think he is implying something else," Maka said.

"Then what?"

"I AM GOING TO SURPASS GOD! NOT YOU! ME! ME! ME! ME-" Black*Star got cut off by a book coming down on his cranium. He passed out. Maka sighed and put her book up. Kid looked pissed.

"You do realize what he is dreaming about is not possible, right?" Kid asked.

"What can I say? Last time I tried to talk sense into him he said he was going to 'un-friend' our friendship. Something about Facebook and Twitter he keeps going on and on about," Maka sighed.

_**Step #5: Find your future wife**_

It was at the meet and greet for all the meisters and weapons. Black*Star had his 'meister' badge on and was looking around all the good-looking girls. He was doing a checklist in his brain. Some of them had a good body sculpture and seemed a little scatter brained. Good. Then they wouldn't try to come in the way of his godly goal and he would have a future to be trophy wife.

When he went for some of the girls he was observing from afar, someone bumped into him.

"Oh, I am so sorry!" The girl with a black pony tail immediately bowed. Black*Star grinned. A polite girl. Another thing he likes.

"Say, are you a weapon? What kind?" Black*Star asked.

"Oh yes! I am Tsubaki, and I am a chain scythe!" The girl beamed.

"Have you found a meister yet?" Black*Star asked.

"No," the girl looked sad. Then Black*Star smiled.

He stuck out his hand, "I am Black*Star, a meister. Want to be a team?"

The girl smiled and took his hand. They gave a quick hand shake and then dropped it. Black*Star analyzed her dress and Tsubaki nervously asked.

"Are my clothes awkward?" Tsubaki nervously asked.

"No. But you need to wear a star patch," Black*Star said.

"Why?"

"Because I want everyone to know you are the Star's weapon, which might I add, soon to surpass god," Black*Star grinned.

Tsubaki smiled, and then pointed at her right chest and said, "How about here?"

"Perfect."

_**Step #6: Challenge fights with the new students**_

Kid was walking up the stairs of the DWMA. He then freaked out when he saw Black*Star on one of the spikes on one side of his father's school, and lost it.

"What's wrong?" Liz tilted her head to the side.

"Lookie there! Is that a monkey? Or a wolf!" Patty laughed and pointed to the side.

"No, unfortunately that is Black*Star. Long time no see, Kid. And I am presuming these are the Thompson sisters?" Maka smiled.

"Yes. I am Liz and this is Patty. The one freaking out like a baboon is Kid," Liz pointed respectively.

"GET DOWN YOU ASYMMETRICAL FREAK!" Kid yelled.

"HOW DARE YOU CALL YOUR FUTURE GOD THAT!" Black*Star yelled and when he was going to come down and face Kid, he broke the end of the spike. Kid lost it.

"When you destroy perfect symmetry, you do not deserve to live anymore," Kid growled.

"Liz! Patty!"

"Good lord," They mumbled, more of Liz, actually, and transformed.

"Soul!"

Soul threw himself in the air and Black*Star tried to catch him as epically as Maka would but ended up failing miserably.

"God dangit! You're heavy! Go on a diet!"

"What?! Maka can easily carry me, you sissypants!" Soul snapped back. Maka sighed miserably.

_**Step #7: When studying, incorporate physical workouts**_

Black*Star squinted his eyes at the problem before him. He never paid attention in math class unlike Tsubaki and Maka so he had no idea on how to work out the problem.

"D-Do you need help with the problem?" Tsubaki asked.

"Nope!" Black*Star grinned. And sat. And sat. And sat.

"For every problem I DO NOT know I will do a thousand pushups!" Black*Star determined with a scary manner and set forth to his 'punishment'.

A thousand pushups later, Tsubaki said, "This is how you could have solved the problem…"

Black*Star looked at the solution. And instantly felt stupid.

"So much for pushups."

_**Step #8: Make a grand entrance to every room you enter**_

Maka was studying her book. Kid was admiring her symmetry. Liz was reading a gossip magazine. Patty was drawing asymmetrical giraffes. Soul was glaring at Kid.

Ox was trying to woo Kim. Kim and Jacqueline were chatting. Kim was ignoring Ox. Harvar was trying to stay out of the drama. Kilik talked to his weapons.

Stein rolled in and was talking about dissection details.

Then the room rumbled. Stein grumbled again and lifted a scalpel.

The door banged open and Black*Star yelled, "YOUR GOD HAS ARRIVED!"

That did the trick and a scalpel lodged itself right next to the blue haired boy's head. Both shivered.

"I am so sorry for being late, sir!" Tsubaki bowed down.

"It is okay. Next time the scalpel will NOT miss your meister's head and then you have to look for a new one, got it?" Stein asked.

Both nodded.

"Now go to your seats."

_**Step #9: Assign your loyal followers**_

Maka's eyebrow twitched in irritation.

"Black*Star, what exactly did you stick onto my head?" she asked.

"And mine too," Kid whined.

"Don't you get it? They say 'loyal follower of Black*Star'," Black*Star grinned, "When I do surpass god, that is."

"Not funny," Kid growled, and raised his hand for a reaper chop. Maka followed suit with a huge encyclopedia for her infamous Maka Chop.

_**Step #10: Try to be the center of attention**_

The party was paying too much attention away from him. All the girls were looking up the stairs where Kid went to, and could only guess where he disappeared.

Maka sighed and slapped her forehead. She may never admit it, but when she needs a divert in attention away from her and Kid, Black*Star gets the job done.

"Black*Star," Maka said simply, "I need you to do something for me."

"Can't. Too busy not knowing why they are not paying attention to their god," Black*Star cut her off.

"That is the thing. Can you divert their attention possibly to you while I go see Kid?" Maka asked.

"Yeah I guess. Enjoy your cuddly time with your fiancé," Black*Star smirked.

Maka blushed and nodded. She then ran up the stairs, causing more commotion and people wanting to know what is so important up there, especially all the jealous fangirls.

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" Black*Star yelled, and people flinched at his booming voice.

"THE PARTY IS OVER HERE! NOT THERE UPSTAIRS!" Black*Star held up a mic and flipped through the karaoke book finding the song for him to sing.

"AND NOW, YOUR FUTURE GOD WILL SING YOU A SONG, FROM HIS HEART!"

People groaned. There would be no end to Black*Star's singing. At least he sounded better than Justin Bieber.

_**Step #11: Try to be heroic even though you know you stand no chance against the evil monster**_

Kid and Maka were calculating the pre-kishin's possible next move. Black*Star sighed in frustration.

"You do not do anything to stop him, I will!" Black*Star yelled.

"Black*Star, don't be an idiot!" Maka yelled.

"Too late!" he yelled and lunged. Only to be thrown to the ground and pain to shoot up his arms and legs.

Maka slapped his forehead and growled, "Do not come crying to me if your body hurts."

Black*Star tried not to cry. Kid shook his head and Tsubaki scowled.

"I told you so," Tsubaki whispered.

_**Step #12: Make your 'loyal subjects' do special tasks for you**_

"What the fuck is this?" Soul asked, reading the 'special errand list' that Black*Star gave him.

"I need these to get better from the attack," Black*Star said simply.

"I know what a quicker remedy is," Soul said so convincingly.

"What is the magical ingredient?" Black*Star encouraged the albino.

"Don't act stupid in moments of attack," Soul snorted. Black*Star glared.

"What? Did you expect a real remedy? This is a cure, baby!" Soul whistled and was gone out the door.

"You better have that done in one hour!" Black*Star yelled.

_**Step #13: Ignore anybody who tries to contradict your dream**_

"You know, you are getting full of it," Ox slammed his hands on his desk one day in class.

"What?" Black*Star asked innocently.

"Oh don't play cute now. Not that you are. I am sick and tired of your 'godliness' fake aura and hope of ruling the universe!" Ox yelled.

"Let it go, dude," Harvar tried to calm his meister down, but failed.

"It is so stupid and worthless!" Ox yelled.

Black*Star plugged in headphones and jacked up the volume so that he can't hear Ox anymore. All he could see was Ox's comedic expressions commanding his godly attention back. Black*Star sniggered with the rest of the class in Ox's face, who ran to the bathroom for the rest of the class in embarrassment.

_**Step #14: On your birthday, insist that your subjects roll out red carpet wherever you walk and treat you royally**_

Black*Star lounged in his throne in the classroom. No, it wasn't a silly metaphor anymore. It was a real throne, like a pharoah's.

Maka twitched. Black*Star ran his feet over the velvet underneath his feet. His goblet was empty. He held it out as if it were a dirty sock in Maka's direction.

"What?" Maka snapped.

"It is empty. You know what to do, loyal subject," Black*Star scoffed. Maka twitched again and went for the pitcher and filled the goblet with more ginger ale, since Stein prohibited him to bring red wine.

Black*Star leaned back. At the age of twelve he sure accomplished a lot.

_**Step #15: Make sure no one is stronger than you**_

Black*Star stretched his arms. He spotted Hiro ending up doing someone else's shopping, unknowingly the third time that day.

The blue ninja sniggered underneath his breath. He smirked and said, "Target: locked."

Hiro dropped off the groceries for a student and when he finished that, another male student, kindly, approached him with a new list for him to go back to the town for and pay for with his own money. Black*Star mentally shook his head. How stupid can Hiro become?

Hiro had not walked even one foot out of the academy when Black*Star snuck up on the blonde, caught his arm, and flipped him over.

Hiro met the cold, unfeeling pavement on his back, fortunately this time.

Black*Star didn't feel stronger after flipping the weakling, so he just left, completely bored. But he knew Hiro wasn't as strong as he was. Rather Hiro would be beaten up by a deer in a combat.

"One student down, infinite more to go."

_**Step #16: Take lots of vacations. God needs time to himself, so if you want to be god, allocate lots of time for yourself**_

"Maka Albarn."

"Here, sensei," Maka smiled.

"Death the Kid."

"Here and perfectly symmetrical," Kid blushed at Maka. Others rolled their eyes. Best not to mention the asymmetrical sanzu lines.

"Soul Eater Evans."

"Do not say that last name," Soul scowled.

"Elizabeth and Patty Thompson."

"Here," they said in perfect synchronization.

"Tsubaki Nakatsukasa."

"Here, sensei," Tsubaki blushed.

"Black*Star."

_Silence._

"He left a note, sensei," Tsubaki reached into her purse and said, "He told me to give it to you. He even told me not to read it. Here you go."

Stein nodded and took the note from Tsubaki. When he read the contents he almost crushed his pen.

"What does he mean he is taking a vacation in Hawaii…?"

_**Step #17: Have faith in your disciples**_

"They're weak!" howled the pre-kishin. Black*Star's eyes furrowed.

"Nobody talks about my disciples like that, you snoot ball!"

"They are not here to protect you. How do you know they are even alive? Poor things, they snapped just like twigs!" the pre-kishin mocked.

He knew he fell the last time he tried but it burned even more that the ugly and hideous monster tried to belittle people important to him.

"That's it, snot face. You earned it!" Black*Star lunged at the ugly thing's face and swung Tsubaki forward.

Tsubaki smiled.

"He will make a strong god one day," Tsubaki smiled.

_-fin-_


End file.
